The wait is hard...

Someone told me a few months back, that this particular point in the adoption might be the most difficult one to wait on. I didn't believe it, well...because I couldn't imagine. After the roller coaster ride of emotions over the last 15 months, I didn't think it could possibly be more difficult than what we've already experienced. However, I was definitely mistaken!

To have been through this process and to know that the babies are officially, legally ours, yet not be able to just run over and pick them up is sometimes almost more than I, as a mother, can bear. Of course, it would be extremely difficult (but not impossible!) to just drop everything and go pick them up. But, OH HOW I WANT TO!

Anyone who has been extremely close to me over the last month of court dates has seen me ecstatic, then somewhat reserved when we were postponed the first time. The second time, Matthew was out of town for a few days and I was left to wait for news by myself. This time, I really believed that we'd get through-that it was simply a formality. However, I was blindsided by the depression and uncertainty that immediately hit me, upon hearing the words "We've been postponed AGAIN". Then, as we Christ-followers sometimes do, I began to feel guilty over the things I was questioning. "Was I being doubtful?" "Did I have so little faith?" I felt weak and pathetic and really wondered why, on Earth, God would want me to be a mother again when I couldn't "snap out of it". It was a very lonely place to be and one that I really struggled with.

However, I quickly realized that I was exactly where God wanted me to be and that was for me to be at a place where I trusted WHOLLY in Him to see this happen. It's no coincidence that for all of the 1st 3 court dates, Matthew was traveling and we were forced to be apart and, instead forced to go to the Lord. Had we been at home together, I'm certain that we would have reached for each other for comfort instead of running into the arms of our Heavenly Father.

At this point, although there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's hard to know our children are halfway across the world, longing for a family and we simply can't get to them just yet ...

Sometimes standing and waiting is hard work, when we desperately want to run and do something. Make a paperwork move quicker, get the birth certificates printed, etc. However, I know that God orcestrates things sometimes for us to see our complete lack of control. Because I simply can't do anything else, I try to stand in faith and 'be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power"(Eph. 6:20)

Love you all!
Heather